My offering of encouragement...
God Bless.
The past few year’s has really taken a toll. There has been more low’s than there has been highs which has put me in a state of doubt, confusion, and as well as other works of evil.
There has been many occasions where I believe I would be better off walking with the saint’s on the streets of gold then to take one more step on this earth. I have wondered why I have been put on this earth almost daily for the past few years. It truly feels as if the evil in this world is overtaking the light that is in me. There has been times I didn’t think I had the strength to get out of bed let alone do anything godly, like read the bible. And praying just seemed more like a chore than communing with the One who created me.
And as the world outside raged on with all it’s craziness, the darkness inside my home was overtaking everything good in my life. The more I looked toward the darkness, the less I could see the light. I felt as if the weight of the world was on my shoulders. Fighting wasn’t an option I was too spiritually weak to fight the way God commands us to. I allowed the anger that was inside me from hurts, loss, expectations, dread dreams, and a broken body to fester and while all those things were festering to the brink of a volcano type eruption my mouth began to follow suit.
Everything that was coming out of my mouth was something negative. I didn’t have anything good to say about anything. My life was a mess with a one-way ticket to the gates of hell. Nothing and no one was off limits. Sure, there were times I was forced to smile and act as if I had it all together but inside me was a whole different story. The conversations I had with myself weren’t pretty and I didn’t even feel bad for any of the negative thoughts I was having. Not even my family was safe. In fact, they may have gotten the worst of my mouth and attitude.
I question God in every situation. I wondered daily if He even knew or cared about what was happening in this world let alone did He care about me and what I was going through. The day’s were long and the trials were hard and there didn’t seem to be an end to them. I grew tired, weary, and nauseous with just the thought of human contact. I wanted no part of it.
I can’t pinpoint the moment my life took a turn, but I just knew it had. My negative word’s came freely and cut deeply. And the sad part I didn’t even seem to notice. Darkness was engulfing me and I knew I was losing precious moments I would never get back. Time was not on my side and I didn’t even care enough to do anything about it, although the spirit within me was calling out for change.
It wasn’t until the death of my oldest brother when I realized, I can’t do this any more. I told myself I just can’t take one more thing negative happening in my life. I told God, if I had to go through one more trial, I was going to loose myself and all the goodness I had in me, yet the trials still continued. I felt alone, ashamed, and unwanted, and grief had become my new best friend.
Then one morning, I woke up with this one thought, your letting the enemy win, Jan. I wasn’t sure what that meant but a spark of hope began to bubble up within me. A few day’s later, I came across something that made me stop and realize, this might be the answer to my problem. Something so short but so powerful. A piece of paper with the word’s, Never Speak Word’s That Allow The Enemy To Think He Is Winning.
Now, I don’t know where the paper came from but I knew I need them in that moment. They were the very words I needed to see to breathe new life into my broken soul. I took the time to realize just how true these words had become. My words along with my actions were indeed letting the enemy believe he was winning the battle for my life. He had a grip on me and I hadn’t realized just how much nor was I aware of the point when I allowed him to come in but then I realized it didn’t matter. What mattered was what was I going to do about it. Was I going to continue to use my words and thoughts to advance his plans for my life or was I going to make a change in how I spoke and thought. Was I ever going to wake up and see the goodness of God? Was I willing to see how faithful God had been throughout these last few years and how He has allowed me to come to the very end of myself so I would realize just how much I needed Him to see me through my daily life? Was I going to use my words to gratify instead of knocking down? These words on this piece of paper has become my motto in how I view my life. Every day, I remind myself of those written words and make a choice to get up and choose life. Once I began to see the negative words I speak as a weapon for the enemy, I began to see a change in my life.
Have I mastered speaking things that don’t weaponize my enemy, no. There are still times, my words let satan win but now I am aware of what I am doing and what the trigger button is for me and if I am being totally honest, this walk of never speaking words that allow satan to think he is winning is not for the faint of heart. Curbing your tongue as well as your thoughts is going to be a lifetime battle, but in the end, I know it will be worth hearing those word’s we all long to hear, well done, thy good and faithful servant, you’ve fought the good fight.
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